Reflecting back on 2013

It's hard to believe that we're almost a month in to 2014, soon I will graduating and starting a new chapter in my life.

I wrote this on new years reflecting the past year and all the hardships i experienced. Life was hard man, but it sure felt good to grow. I learned a lot about myself in 2013 and a lot about people.
I learned that avoiding what you feel does not make you strong, it just makes it hurt more when you let it out. That hardening your heart also does not make you strong, it just makes you lonely. I learned that you don’t need someone to touch to be happy and you shouldn’t rely on another person to make you feel better. But, having a friend and family who understands you and pushes you and loves you and tells you that they’re proud of you when you are able to do the smallest things means the world (thank you, friend) I learned that vulnerability is important. That you can’t force yourself to feel something or stop feeling something, so you just have to keep going and be happy anyways. I learned that love has nothing to do with wanting or needing or having but everything to do with appreciating a person as they are and being happy for them because they’re happy. I learned that seeing someone you love with another person only hurts when you think you can’t survive without them (you can, I promise). I learned that mean people are hurting so either send them love or ignore their attempts. It really isn’t worth fighting them. I learned that it’s important to look at your naked body in the mirror and make a mental note of the parts you really love. I learned much earlier that you can’t change people, but recently I learned that you should accept them and love them (all of them). I learned that it’s important to interact with strangers, and even better to interact with ones you’ll never meet (like taping notes all over the city saying “have you told them? what’s stopping you?” or “I hope you take some time today to appreciate yourself” or “tell someone you love them” or “thank you for existing”). I learned that people will hate you and it doesn’t matter. I learned that it’s okay to fall to the floor sobbing in the shower thinking about terrible things, as long as you get up and get help after. I learned that it’s okay to not be okay. I learned that fear is no reason to not do something you really want to do. I learned that going on walks alone is important. I learned that you will always survive heartbreak and that being alone is not bad at all, that most discoveries will be made that way. I learned that the smallest changes lead to beautiful realizations. I learned that creating is important. That letting go is important. That making peace with yourself, with your past, and with all people is important. That loving is important (and that there are many different levels to love). That forgiving is important. I learned that anxiety and depression do not need to be the most powerful thing your life. I learned that pain does not last. I learned that the universe works in strange ways, and that you need to pay attention to all things. I learned that when two people dream of each other at the same time it means something. I learned how to let go. I learned how to be patient with myself. I learned how to rip myself open and pull out all of the rot (thank you Listener for that beautiful metaphor) and sort through it, and that you will shake while you do but you will be stronger because of it. That this rot does not need to stay inside. That sorting through that rot is the only way to grow again. I learned that growing again is inevitable. I learned to be at ease with myself.