What is HAPPINESS

The loneliness you feel after having finished a book. 

The absence of the protagonist’s touch, being entirely unoccupied and realizing that you are lying in bed and that is the extent to your existence when the cover is closed. 

The sadness, the hollow in your stomach and the pang in your chest, the feeling of complete hopelessness and confusion as to who and what you are. 

Restless because you had truly believed your body walked around with the scars of the woman/man in the book, and now you’re sterile and pure and your skin looks too fresh. 

You want to be dirtier. 

You want bruises. 

You want to be worn. 

All of this, and then the weight that stretches itself on top of you when you acknowledge that it was never yours to begin with. 

That nothing really ever is.

But that doesn’t mean that you can’t exhaust and experience it, anyway. Nothing has to be yours to feel it. And with that, you can feel anything you’d like to. 

Happiness is created and felt

By you. 

Because I know you will read this

It’s funny because I might be one of the only people who knows how miserable and pathetic you actually are, away from all of the fronts. Even if you’ve gotten yourself to believe differently. I know how empty you are. You have absolutely nothing when it comes down to it. And I don’t for a second feel sorry for you. You think surrounding yourself with people will hide you in between them and people won’t see through it and the people I feel sorry for is the ones that believe that you’re anything different than what you’ve always been. Spiteful relationships will get you nowhere but even more of an excuse of a full person than you already are. I’d rather have moments of loneliness and lack of true friends than find comfort in people that aren’t any sort of benefit to me at all. I am happy with the fact that I have very few but solid close friends, and that they have been my friends since the relationship bloomed in the first place, they haven’t been back and forth friends. They haven’t ever been against me or cruel towards me. They have been genuine friends throughout the entire friendship, not spotty and whenever they choose that they want to be. That is a friendship. That is a source of happiness. Not the makeshift life you are simulating yourself into. You are a sad person. You are drained of everything but faux happiness and a good time. You think I care about you but you don’t see I stopped awhile ago when I realized you didn’t either. You think I worry about who you are with and broadcast it to be noticed for what you’re doing when in reality if you were truly over it and didn’t care about me whatsoever you wouldn’t have any point to prove. There would be nothing but silence between us because there is nothing there. And there never will be again. And that bothers you. That hurts you. That destroys or has already eaten up some part of you that you will never get back. I’ve moved on. We have moved on. My happiness has nothing to do with you in any slightest way, the people I surround myself with are of intentions that have no single inkling of relevance to you. You do not exist in my life. You are trying to, I can see it. I can only hope for your own sake that you someday learn to accept the person that you are and have been and maybe grow out of it, rather than swallowing it down and keeping yourself from actual happiness and life. 

Free.

The best thing you can do about the assholes in your life REALLY truly is absolutely nothing, who gives a shit if they don’t believe you’re happy, who gives a shit if they expect you and every source that brings you any sort of light to just fail out. Be happy regardless of them, and just thank god that you aren’t in that miserable of a state to dissect someone else’s happiness for truth or fault. They just don’t have enough of there own, deep down, and you’re already above them.

YOU inspire me

Lately I've been thinking about things that inspire me.

I am inspired by: nights. photography, people on the street. books, words, a turn of the phrase, a play on words, blogs, writing, rants. music, the sound, the lyric. people, personalities popping, smiles, originality. scents, nostalgia. voices, great laughs. the oldies, music, people, style or otherwise. fashion, the thrill of the find. kids. other countries, other cultures, the clash, the mix. the sun, the healthy glow. food, the smells, the sights, the melting tangy tastes. art, colors, vivid, design. my thoughts.